These Advice given by My Dad Which Helped Me as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk among men, who still absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."